Our "orthodox" brethren and sisteren are essentially insecure and co dependent. The security of their own self depends on others believing the same as they do. If someone else believes differently, their beliefs are threatened. Every time we hear the claim that a homosexual relationship threatens marriage we are hearing a statement of insecurity and co dependence... i.e. my happiness/security depends on your behavior belief. It is intolerable for them that anyone believes differently, because they have no internal surety of their belief... it is all dependent on others.

A self differentiated adult, however, can hold their personal belief regardless of what others believe and can exist in the world where there is a multiplicity of opinion. Such an adult is not dependent on others' agreeing for confirmation of their deeply held convictions. So neither homosexual, not rampant heterosexual, misbehavior can possibly threaten their marriage or anyone else's for that matter. They can assess others' points of view and behaviors without needing them to agree or congrue with their own.

Tolerance is possible for adults who are secure in their convictions. It is intolerable for adolescent faith which is always measuring itself against its peers and is happiest when all the peers affirm.

In short, whenever someone's happiness or security depend on someone else's agreement or behavior we are in the adolescent co-dependent zone. Adult faith can hold its position without demanding anyone else's conformity. Obsession with conformity is simply a case of arrested development.

Mike (Michael Russell)